Maker of Heaven

A Man

I wonder what his story was.

What had those tired eyes behind the thick glass that framed his face witnessed?
How many times had he listened to the same story?

His wrinkles made his face strangely more beautiful. Maybe it was because of the stories they told...each one of the lines representing a parcel of wisdom that he has gained throughout the years. His left finger was encompassed by a gold band. How does this work effect a family life?

As he rubbed his tired hand over his fatigued face I could tell he was worn. He needed a break. How do you care for someone whose job is to care for everyone else?

When people are completely selfish, destructive, unhealthy, and aren't willing to change, is it acceptable to only pretend you care in this profession? Yet, his eyes twinkled in a way that expressed sincere sympathy and a slight form of empathy. How many times he must ask the same questions. How many patients does he see on a daily basis and of that number, how many of them offer a simple thanks when their visit is over?

Tolerance, patience, perseverance, kindness, gentleness.
How he possesses these qualities?

How many lives he has saved.

Goodnight.

I wish that I could write some magical piece of genius with the most beautiful and eloquent vocabulary to express how I feel tonight, but for some reason I can't. Tonight I have simple words that are charged with emotion and feeling, but probably will not come across that way to the few of you reading this. I hope the mumbled jumbled words that are about to spew from my thoughts make even the slightest bit of sense.

Lately, I have been experiencing a sadness in the pit of my stomach. At some points it wells up to my throat and the other times it just sits there wallowing. It's a dull pain, but I feel like people can see it all over. It makes me feel vulnerable and distant, like crying yet I have no idea why. I don't know what it is. I love being joyful. I believe a heartfelt smile can fix just about anything. I want to be known for my joy, but what is joy if it's not genuine?

Life is hard. It's really short. It's hard to know if what you're doing at the current moment is enough. Is it enough to make an impact? Is it enough to leave a legacy? Is how I'm living proving the love of Christ? I keep finding myself falling short of all of these things and it's really frustrating.

Guys are just really silly. I never know what's going on with any of them and I find myself constantly trying to convince myself that it's not worth the time to try and figure them out. I don't feel pretty or attractive. I compare myself a lot which I realize is a problem.

Everyone is super self-centered. Including me.

I have been taking as much spare time as I have to spend some good quiet time with Jesus, but still feel kinda incomplete and distant from Him as well. I'm happiest when I'm meeting new people or feel that I can be an encouragement to someone. I want to be mentored really bad, but cannot find someone willing.

I dislike this feeling right now. I'm in a very strange place in life. I think some of it might have to do with the place I was last year at this time. I'm graduating earlier than I thought I was going to. Real life kinda scares me. Finding an internship kinda scares me. I miss my dog. I want my sister to get married so I can write a funny speech and throw an awesome bachelorette party. I want to take the pain away from the people who were affected by the death of the high school student yesterday. I want everything to be better in the Middle East. I work a lot. I'm tired. I have a zit. I want to be selfless. I want to love everyone. I want my hair to be long again.

I'm going to bed.

Titan I Um?

Unsuccessful

As a seed tries to find the sun, a newborn bird tries to fly. A girl hopes to win his heart, a part of his love she is not. To fly a kite without the wind, to complete a race that has no end. Solving a puzzle that's missing a piece, giving gifts to unwanted means.

 

This hopeless...helpless desire to do more. Wishing my place wasn't standing this far away from you.

12:54

Sitting alone in the foreign silence with only thoughts to occupy the early morning dusk. A few spurts of laughter and shouting will burst through the air only to return once again to this strange silence. The snow that has been so freshly placed upon the ground awaits the coming day as it will find its purpose through the joy of people who make their mark upon it. Until then, it sits in silence. 

Staring into a face in a mirror wondering what the future holds. Wondering why the past has happened the way it has and wishing, but not entirely convinced of the possibility to be the change in the world. Wishing for cures for every type of illness...cancer, depression, broken hearts.

The silence lingers. It is as if it is almost suffocating all it encompasses, but at the same time acts as a source of peace and rest...calming anxieties, yet cohesively prefacing a mighty storm. What is the calm before the storm? I imagine it to feel quite a bit like this very moment.

Silence.

Took a trip to Breck...here's some of it!

A little bit better quality

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kbe4eS8oG4g

Good Morning World

There have been a many cool crisp mornings such as the one I awoke to on this day. A great number of times when I've stepped into a brisk winter air, I've felt refreshed. I've felt renewed. I've felt almost rid or better about something that was guilting my conscience. 

Today was different. Today when I began my cold adventurous journey to class, I only felt joy. 

I was aware of everything around me and that God was in every aspect of it. The wind that so softly brushed my cheek reminded me that I was alive and well.

Another day...another million things to be thankful for.

Perfectly Pitchy : )

A Thought to Chew On

"What would be the point of living if we didn't let life change us?"

~ Downton Abbey

Stepping Into New

Hardships faced for a great while.
You were looking for nothing more than a smile.
An outpouring of kindness revealed someone
who wore no shield, yet battle still won.
He acquired your affection through gregarious grace.
Eager each day to hear of his story's place.

Kind words lavished everywhere.
That ubiquitous laugh floating through the air,
spilling from the lungs of positivity
into ears of those who needed to see
where care comes from and what love brings.
Your mind grew accustom to all of these things.

The place in which your heart moved;
hands so gentle seemed to soothe.
The most joyful soul gleamed from his eyes.
There was nothing you could do inside.
The little remains your love had left
sat there beating inside your chest.
Just enough to keep you alive.
Becoming the pieces you soon would despise.

The regret, the pain, the sorrow, the shame
remain in your eyes...bitter and bane.
Never to hear from him again.
Your life before looked better then.
You loved too much and did not protect.
You opened yourself to this promising threat.
With no other person left to blame,
you wallowed in your unbearable pain.

The hours crept on, the days turned to months
your heart carrying memories of what was once.
Never could he leave your mind
after every solution you tried to find.
Bits of him reside there still.
A part of your heart he will forever fill.

A lesson, a love, a journey, a race
tell this story through the lines on your face.
It has become a part of you.
The time has come to start anew.

Piano Perfection

This is absolutely spectacular. Makes my soul melt.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WMsUEJJHh1I

Zooooop

Merry Carol of the Bells and Stuff

Lost

I absolutely love driving at night. There's something about being alone on the road with no one but God to talk to and nothing but city lights and the stars to surround you. I was coming home from a movie around midnight listening to some great driving music from someone with really good taste when I thought to myself, "Man, it would be nice to just get lost in this city by myself for a bit," but at the same time I kinda wanted to revisit places from my past. I thought it would be slightly difficult for me to get lost because I grew up in this city and could find my way around pretty easily so I chose to drive by some familiar places. For some reason beyond my knowledge, the place I decided to go was the neighborhood where my sister's friend lived that was about 5 minutes away from our house. I had not driven in that neighborhood many times so I decided to just get as lost as I possibly could in the little coves of streets and houses. Let's just say I realized I didn't know the city quite as well as previous to my expedition I would have believed myself to. 

It was really fun getting lost...lost physically and lost in thought. Thinking about the past...praying about the future. Deciding what people's Christmas decorations said about them or if I actually even believed lights on a house to be a fair means to base the character of a person off of. I passed a house twice. I know this because I remember thinking both times, "How the heck do those people sleep with those blinding lights on their windows? They must take pride in those decorations. They must have kids that use those lights on the windows as night lights. They must be pretty well-off to keep those lights on all night." All assumptions, but it was fun to guess. I thought about how many houses there are in this city. Not the world. Not the country. Not even the state. Just this one city. Filled with who knows how many houses and an even a greater number of people living in them. How many of those people were living for Jesus and knew the true meaning of Christmas? How many of those people were living everyday for themselves and thought of Christmas as just another holiday? I'll never know, but it was interesting to think about. I thought about dying in that neighborhood and how my parents would reason for my being in such a strange area of town. I thought about and prayed for the people in my life, the people that used to be in my life and the houses I passed along the way. I sang as loud as I wanted to. I went whatever speed I wanted to. I had just begun thinking about someone when reality hit. 

I'm a poor college student trying to save up for a missions trip this summer. I'm probably using up about $10 of gas money that could've gone towards the trip. I didn't feel too bad about it because it was time God had planned for me to be with Him and I had only been driving about 20 minutes or so, but I decided to find my way out of the maze and go home.

Let's serve others. Let's go outside of ourselves, our traditions and our comforts. Let's be the hands and feet of Christ. 

Let's get lost in God this Christmas. 

Hey Hery Hey

Roughski.

Accidental Intelligence?

"Love is a horrible horrible thing when it goes wrong."

You know, I never thought anything said on the show The Hills would ever carry any type of significance in my life. Let's face it, while it can be a great guilty pleasure show...it's called guilty for a reason. The people and plots are a bit imprudent and while we watch this show about how other people live their luxurious upper class dramatic lives, ours' begin to waste away. This might not be the most intelligent or inspiring quote, but it's definitely the truth. It's the dumbed-down take-it-or-leave-it absolute truth. Everything that post-breakup songs try to relay in a message can be summed up in this simple quote. 

"Love is a horrible horrible thing when it goes wrong." 

Sure, Brody Jenner may be talking about his playboy bunny girlfriend and he may also be very drunk, but the man speaks truth. Love can freakin suck sometimes. Not only when it comes to the opposite gender, but with friends as well. 

Love is such a strong force. It takes so much time and investment that when something does go wrong, it's close to impossible not to think about it. I believe this teaches us a lesson about guarding our hearts...loving, sacrificing, and serving like Christ, but being a bit more careful about who we decide will hold our hearts here on this earth. I'm learning more and more each day that people will fail and friends will come and go, but God has also created beautiful trustworthy people to bless this temporary home. It's just a matter of finding them. It's just a matter of trusting them enough with our hearts and knowing that even though there will always be the possibility of pain, their love is worth the risk because they know God's love. They know true and perfect love.

Stuff From My Media Application Class

Redesigning a Logo

Poster

Comic Book

Photoshop

The Gift of Good

Proverbs 3:27 is a beautiful verse to be reminded of this holiday season. 

"Do not withhold good from those who deserve it when it’s in your power to help them."

New life motto? 
I'm thinking yes.

Let's Do Some Homework...Not

Delulah is proving to be quite the distraction. Messing up all over the place, but having fun...not doing any of the 1 million things I actually need to be doing. Ugh.

There might be some static in this silent night

Still trying to get the whole changing chords thing down, but Delulah and I are getting closer. ; )

Meet Delulah

Look who came today!!!!! Fun times ahead...right after I go buy a mini screwdriver. 

YEAH!!!!!

Every Tongue Tribe and Nation

Unexpected good talks with my mom are the best. 

I love it when I am able to open up to her about everything on my heart and she supports me 100%.

So blessed.

That said, I'm going on a extended trip this summer. : ) 

It's looking like Ethiopia or India at this point.

Use me up God.

Peepsles Over Thanksgiving : )

Perseverance

Never give up. 

When you doubt yourself, you hurt the ones who know your strength.

P.S. Yes please.
http://www.yeahbaywood.com/

Plaid Limericks Mustache Glasses

A hipster I desperately longed to be
until I realized the value of individuality.
Don't care enough
about style and stuff.
Sincere care for others means more to me.

I will not be defined by a label.
That makes a person very unstable.
No more.
It's become a chore.
Have fun without me in your fashion fable.

All About Perspective

 I went to a play. I was sitting next to an older couple. They were very cute and enjoying themselves greatly. It came to a point in one of the acts where a young married couple was fighting over every little thing. The scene was tense and sad. The actors played their parts very well. My heart grieved for both characters because of how much one didn't understand the others point of view. While all of this was running through my mind, I heard laughter coming from right beside me. In the middle of the arguments the couple was having on stage, the people next to me were.......laughing?

I then realized that this was a scene that was all too familiar to them. They laughed because they had seen this time in their own lives. They could relate to the characters and look back on their own petty little arguments and laugh because they realized how insignificant it would all turn out to be. It gave me such hope. 

They get it. They've been there. 

Life's not about the everyday quarrels. It's not about the good or bad times. It's not about getting your way. It's about learning, working, enjoying and suffering through life together. It's about getting to know that one person on such a deep level that you become one with them. The two become a whole.

 As the couple sat there laughing out of only a few others in the entire audience, I couldn't help but smile. I couldn't help but wish for such a relationship so full of love life and laughter. I can't wait to struggle through life with someone who cares enough to stick it out laughing for the rest of the time we may spend together on this earth.

Hopeful. : )

Growth (Haiku)

The winter tide totes
snowless skies to taunt the sun.
The days grow colder.
The bitter winds whirl.
Loneliness subsists of ubiquitous,
yet saddened hearts unfurl.

Wish I Could Quit Thinking About It

Sometimes I just wonder how and when you decided the fight wasn't worth it.

Salvation is Near

I sat in the back of the car Friday night as we made our way up towards Durango for a Christian retreat. The song Jesus Paid It All came over the headphones of my iPod whose original purpose was to drown out the 3 hour listening fest of disney music. Cohesively, the next song played...The Revelation Song and as snow fell everywhere around us I was overcome. Tears started streaming down my face as I looked out on the dark night lined with the silhouettes of snow covered pine trees. Many thoughts were running through my mind, but most importantly the control and power of Jesus Christ. 

Each time I make that drive I think about death. I know it sounds morbid, but the passes we drive through are many times snowy and icy with quite a few twists and turns. While it is a beautiful drive, I consider it to be rather dangerous. For a very specific reason, I am never afraid of dying. On Friday when I was considering the thought once again, my mind drifted to the return of Jesus. I kept thinking, "If I don't die tonight, I just really hope Christ returns soon." This thought in and of itself is a fine thought. I think it's good to be excited for the return of Jesus, but I don't always have that mentality. I don't always want Christ to come because I have not done or experienced all the things that I have wished to on this earth yet. I have not accomplished all that I desire or am expected to. I want more time because I am not ready yet. 

I then became very angry with myself because I realized that the only reason I wish for Heaven is due to the current hardships I am facing in my life. I became aware of how completely and sickeningly selfish I am. I should want the return of Christ every single day of my life through hardships AND times of blessings. This forced me to start thinking about how much more I need to center my life around the One who made rather than the one who was made. It also caused me to be so thankful that I don't have to stress or wonder about my timing or His...making me all the more anxious for His return. 

There were many things that were said over the retreat that made me realize why He hasn't come yet. We still have so much to accomplish as His children, but I think and hope His return is possible soon. We just need to carry out what we were placed on this earth to do. I AM SO EXCITED! I am encouraged in my generation and believe a change is coming...