I wish that I could write some magical piece of genius with the most beautiful and eloquent vocabulary to express how I feel tonight, but for some reason I can't. Tonight I have simple words that are charged with emotion and feeling, but probably will not come across that way to the few of you reading this. I hope the mumbled jumbled words that are about to spew from my thoughts make even the slightest bit of sense.
Lately, I have been experiencing a sadness in the pit of my stomach. At some points it wells up to my throat and the other times it just sits there wallowing. It's a dull pain, but I feel like people can see it all over. It makes me feel vulnerable and distant, like crying yet I have no idea why. I don't know what it is. I love being joyful. I believe a heartfelt smile can fix just about anything. I want to be known for my joy, but what is joy if it's not genuine?
Life is hard. It's really short. It's hard to know if what you're doing at the current moment is enough. Is it enough to make an impact? Is it enough to leave a legacy? Is how I'm living proving the love of Christ? I keep finding myself falling short of all of these things and it's really frustrating.
Guys are just really silly. I never know what's going on with any of them and I find myself constantly trying to convince myself that it's not worth the time to try and figure them out. I don't feel pretty or attractive. I compare myself a lot which I realize is a problem.
Everyone is super self-centered. Including me.
I have been taking as much spare time as I have to spend some good quiet time with Jesus, but still feel kinda incomplete and distant from Him as well. I'm happiest when I'm meeting new people or feel that I can be an encouragement to someone. I want to be mentored really bad, but cannot find someone willing.
I dislike this feeling right now. I'm in a very strange place in life. I think some of it might have to do with the place I was last year at this time. I'm graduating earlier than I thought I was going to. Real life kinda scares me. Finding an internship kinda scares me. I miss my dog. I want my sister to get married so I can write a funny speech and throw an awesome bachelorette party. I want to take the pain away from the people who were affected by the death of the high school student yesterday. I want everything to be better in the Middle East. I work a lot. I'm tired. I have a zit. I want to be selfless. I want to love everyone. I want my hair to be long again.
I'm going to bed.
Lately, I have been experiencing a sadness in the pit of my stomach. At some points it wells up to my throat and the other times it just sits there wallowing. It's a dull pain, but I feel like people can see it all over. It makes me feel vulnerable and distant, like crying yet I have no idea why. I don't know what it is. I love being joyful. I believe a heartfelt smile can fix just about anything. I want to be known for my joy, but what is joy if it's not genuine?
Life is hard. It's really short. It's hard to know if what you're doing at the current moment is enough. Is it enough to make an impact? Is it enough to leave a legacy? Is how I'm living proving the love of Christ? I keep finding myself falling short of all of these things and it's really frustrating.
Guys are just really silly. I never know what's going on with any of them and I find myself constantly trying to convince myself that it's not worth the time to try and figure them out. I don't feel pretty or attractive. I compare myself a lot which I realize is a problem.
Everyone is super self-centered. Including me.
I have been taking as much spare time as I have to spend some good quiet time with Jesus, but still feel kinda incomplete and distant from Him as well. I'm happiest when I'm meeting new people or feel that I can be an encouragement to someone. I want to be mentored really bad, but cannot find someone willing.
I dislike this feeling right now. I'm in a very strange place in life. I think some of it might have to do with the place I was last year at this time. I'm graduating earlier than I thought I was going to. Real life kinda scares me. Finding an internship kinda scares me. I miss my dog. I want my sister to get married so I can write a funny speech and throw an awesome bachelorette party. I want to take the pain away from the people who were affected by the death of the high school student yesterday. I want everything to be better in the Middle East. I work a lot. I'm tired. I have a zit. I want to be selfless. I want to love everyone. I want my hair to be long again.
I'm going to bed.
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