Maker of Heaven

A Man

I wonder what his story was.

What had those tired eyes behind the thick glass that framed his face witnessed?
How many times had he listened to the same story?

His wrinkles made his face strangely more beautiful. Maybe it was because of the stories they told...each one of the lines representing a parcel of wisdom that he has gained throughout the years. His left finger was encompassed by a gold band. How does this work effect a family life?

As he rubbed his tired hand over his fatigued face I could tell he was worn. He needed a break. How do you care for someone whose job is to care for everyone else?

When people are completely selfish, destructive, unhealthy, and aren't willing to change, is it acceptable to only pretend you care in this profession? Yet, his eyes twinkled in a way that expressed sincere sympathy and a slight form of empathy. How many times he must ask the same questions. How many patients does he see on a daily basis and of that number, how many of them offer a simple thanks when their visit is over?

Tolerance, patience, perseverance, kindness, gentleness.
How he possesses these qualities?

How many lives he has saved.

Goodnight.

I wish that I could write some magical piece of genius with the most beautiful and eloquent vocabulary to express how I feel tonight, but for some reason I can't. Tonight I have simple words that are charged with emotion and feeling, but probably will not come across that way to the few of you reading this. I hope the mumbled jumbled words that are about to spew from my thoughts make even the slightest bit of sense.

Lately, I have been experiencing a sadness in the pit of my stomach. At some points it wells up to my throat and the other times it just sits there wallowing. It's a dull pain, but I feel like people can see it all over. It makes me feel vulnerable and distant, like crying yet I have no idea why. I don't know what it is. I love being joyful. I believe a heartfelt smile can fix just about anything. I want to be known for my joy, but what is joy if it's not genuine?

Life is hard. It's really short. It's hard to know if what you're doing at the current moment is enough. Is it enough to make an impact? Is it enough to leave a legacy? Is how I'm living proving the love of Christ? I keep finding myself falling short of all of these things and it's really frustrating.

Guys are just really silly. I never know what's going on with any of them and I find myself constantly trying to convince myself that it's not worth the time to try and figure them out. I don't feel pretty or attractive. I compare myself a lot which I realize is a problem.

Everyone is super self-centered. Including me.

I have been taking as much spare time as I have to spend some good quiet time with Jesus, but still feel kinda incomplete and distant from Him as well. I'm happiest when I'm meeting new people or feel that I can be an encouragement to someone. I want to be mentored really bad, but cannot find someone willing.

I dislike this feeling right now. I'm in a very strange place in life. I think some of it might have to do with the place I was last year at this time. I'm graduating earlier than I thought I was going to. Real life kinda scares me. Finding an internship kinda scares me. I miss my dog. I want my sister to get married so I can write a funny speech and throw an awesome bachelorette party. I want to take the pain away from the people who were affected by the death of the high school student yesterday. I want everything to be better in the Middle East. I work a lot. I'm tired. I have a zit. I want to be selfless. I want to love everyone. I want my hair to be long again.

I'm going to bed.

Titan I Um?

Unsuccessful

As a seed tries to find the sun, a newborn bird tries to fly. A girl hopes to win his heart, a part of his love she is not. To fly a kite without the wind, to complete a race that has no end. Solving a puzzle that's missing a piece, giving gifts to unwanted means.

 

This hopeless...helpless desire to do more. Wishing my place wasn't standing this far away from you.

12:54

Sitting alone in the foreign silence with only thoughts to occupy the early morning dusk. A few spurts of laughter and shouting will burst through the air only to return once again to this strange silence. The snow that has been so freshly placed upon the ground awaits the coming day as it will find its purpose through the joy of people who make their mark upon it. Until then, it sits in silence. 

Staring into a face in a mirror wondering what the future holds. Wondering why the past has happened the way it has and wishing, but not entirely convinced of the possibility to be the change in the world. Wishing for cures for every type of illness...cancer, depression, broken hearts.

The silence lingers. It is as if it is almost suffocating all it encompasses, but at the same time acts as a source of peace and rest...calming anxieties, yet cohesively prefacing a mighty storm. What is the calm before the storm? I imagine it to feel quite a bit like this very moment.

Silence.

Took a trip to Breck...here's some of it!

A little bit better quality

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kbe4eS8oG4g

Good Morning World

There have been a many cool crisp mornings such as the one I awoke to on this day. A great number of times when I've stepped into a brisk winter air, I've felt refreshed. I've felt renewed. I've felt almost rid or better about something that was guilting my conscience. 

Today was different. Today when I began my cold adventurous journey to class, I only felt joy. 

I was aware of everything around me and that God was in every aspect of it. The wind that so softly brushed my cheek reminded me that I was alive and well.

Another day...another million things to be thankful for.

Perfectly Pitchy : )

A Thought to Chew On

"What would be the point of living if we didn't let life change us?"

~ Downton Abbey