Accidental Intelligence?

"Love is a horrible horrible thing when it goes wrong."

You know, I never thought anything said on the show The Hills would ever carry any type of significance in my life. Let's face it, while it can be a great guilty pleasure show...it's called guilty for a reason. The people and plots are a bit imprudent and while we watch this show about how other people live their luxurious upper class dramatic lives, ours' begin to waste away. This might not be the most intelligent or inspiring quote, but it's definitely the truth. It's the dumbed-down take-it-or-leave-it absolute truth. Everything that post-breakup songs try to relay in a message can be summed up in this simple quote. 

"Love is a horrible horrible thing when it goes wrong." 

Sure, Brody Jenner may be talking about his playboy bunny girlfriend and he may also be very drunk, but the man speaks truth. Love can freakin suck sometimes. Not only when it comes to the opposite gender, but with friends as well. 

Love is such a strong force. It takes so much time and investment that when something does go wrong, it's close to impossible not to think about it. I believe this teaches us a lesson about guarding our hearts...loving, sacrificing, and serving like Christ, but being a bit more careful about who we decide will hold our hearts here on this earth. I'm learning more and more each day that people will fail and friends will come and go, but God has also created beautiful trustworthy people to bless this temporary home. It's just a matter of finding them. It's just a matter of trusting them enough with our hearts and knowing that even though there will always be the possibility of pain, their love is worth the risk because they know God's love. They know true and perfect love.

Stuff From My Media Application Class

Redesigning a Logo

Poster

Comic Book

Photoshop

The Gift of Good

Proverbs 3:27 is a beautiful verse to be reminded of this holiday season. 

"Do not withhold good from those who deserve it when it’s in your power to help them."

New life motto? 
I'm thinking yes.

Let's Do Some Homework...Not

Delulah is proving to be quite the distraction. Messing up all over the place, but having fun...not doing any of the 1 million things I actually need to be doing. Ugh.

There might be some static in this silent night

Still trying to get the whole changing chords thing down, but Delulah and I are getting closer. ; )

Meet Delulah

Look who came today!!!!! Fun times ahead...right after I go buy a mini screwdriver. 

YEAH!!!!!

Every Tongue Tribe and Nation

Unexpected good talks with my mom are the best. 

I love it when I am able to open up to her about everything on my heart and she supports me 100%.

So blessed.

That said, I'm going on a extended trip this summer. : ) 

It's looking like Ethiopia or India at this point.

Use me up God.

Peepsles Over Thanksgiving : )

Perseverance

Never give up. 

When you doubt yourself, you hurt the ones who know your strength.

P.S. Yes please.
http://www.yeahbaywood.com/

Plaid Limericks Mustache Glasses

A hipster I desperately longed to be
until I realized the value of individuality.
Don't care enough
about style and stuff.
Sincere care for others means more to me.

I will not be defined by a label.
That makes a person very unstable.
No more.
It's become a chore.
Have fun without me in your fashion fable.

All About Perspective

 I went to a play. I was sitting next to an older couple. They were very cute and enjoying themselves greatly. It came to a point in one of the acts where a young married couple was fighting over every little thing. The scene was tense and sad. The actors played their parts very well. My heart grieved for both characters because of how much one didn't understand the others point of view. While all of this was running through my mind, I heard laughter coming from right beside me. In the middle of the arguments the couple was having on stage, the people next to me were.......laughing?

I then realized that this was a scene that was all too familiar to them. They laughed because they had seen this time in their own lives. They could relate to the characters and look back on their own petty little arguments and laugh because they realized how insignificant it would all turn out to be. It gave me such hope. 

They get it. They've been there. 

Life's not about the everyday quarrels. It's not about the good or bad times. It's not about getting your way. It's about learning, working, enjoying and suffering through life together. It's about getting to know that one person on such a deep level that you become one with them. The two become a whole.

 As the couple sat there laughing out of only a few others in the entire audience, I couldn't help but smile. I couldn't help but wish for such a relationship so full of love life and laughter. I can't wait to struggle through life with someone who cares enough to stick it out laughing for the rest of the time we may spend together on this earth.

Hopeful. : )

Growth (Haiku)

The winter tide totes
snowless skies to taunt the sun.
The days grow colder.
The bitter winds whirl.
Loneliness subsists of ubiquitous,
yet saddened hearts unfurl.

Wish I Could Quit Thinking About It

Sometimes I just wonder how and when you decided the fight wasn't worth it.

Salvation is Near

I sat in the back of the car Friday night as we made our way up towards Durango for a Christian retreat. The song Jesus Paid It All came over the headphones of my iPod whose original purpose was to drown out the 3 hour listening fest of disney music. Cohesively, the next song played...The Revelation Song and as snow fell everywhere around us I was overcome. Tears started streaming down my face as I looked out on the dark night lined with the silhouettes of snow covered pine trees. Many thoughts were running through my mind, but most importantly the control and power of Jesus Christ. 

Each time I make that drive I think about death. I know it sounds morbid, but the passes we drive through are many times snowy and icy with quite a few twists and turns. While it is a beautiful drive, I consider it to be rather dangerous. For a very specific reason, I am never afraid of dying. On Friday when I was considering the thought once again, my mind drifted to the return of Jesus. I kept thinking, "If I don't die tonight, I just really hope Christ returns soon." This thought in and of itself is a fine thought. I think it's good to be excited for the return of Jesus, but I don't always have that mentality. I don't always want Christ to come because I have not done or experienced all the things that I have wished to on this earth yet. I have not accomplished all that I desire or am expected to. I want more time because I am not ready yet. 

I then became very angry with myself because I realized that the only reason I wish for Heaven is due to the current hardships I am facing in my life. I became aware of how completely and sickeningly selfish I am. I should want the return of Christ every single day of my life through hardships AND times of blessings. This forced me to start thinking about how much more I need to center my life around the One who made rather than the one who was made. It also caused me to be so thankful that I don't have to stress or wonder about my timing or His...making me all the more anxious for His return. 

There were many things that were said over the retreat that made me realize why He hasn't come yet. We still have so much to accomplish as His children, but I think and hope His return is possible soon. We just need to carry out what we were placed on this earth to do. I AM SO EXCITED! I am encouraged in my generation and believe a change is coming...

Charcoal, Paint, Scissors, Paper, Pencil

Beauty Defined

I am so sick of the lies this freaking world feeds us about beauty. Beauty does not exists outside of God in my opinion. If you think about it, it makes sense. Take music for example. Think about a beautiful piece of music you've heard in your lifetime, the notes and chords meshing in the most melodic way. Every time you hear the song you feel at peace or just ok about life. The song is beautiful to you in some way and maybe that way cannot be expressed through words.

Scientifically, your beautiful piece of music is simply a bunch of sound waves with different pitches, wavelengths, and amplitudes hitting your ear. How in the heck can that be considered beautiful unless you are overwhelmingly and unhealthily obsessed with science. The only reason that music can be considered beautiful is because God gave us imaginations and a sense of understanding. Beauty is not scientific which is one reason why I am so upset that our world has broken physical beauty down to a scientific formula. Does she have the right hair, eyes, facial structure, boobs, butt, nose, skin, teeth, build, hands, feet, stomach...you get the idea. There is no such thing because beauty is perceived differently by everyone. FREAKING STOP.

I don't care what anyone says. Every girl struggles with body image. Every girl wants to be told she is beautiful. Every girl longs to be loved and pursued.

Ready for the encouraging part?

Each and every person holds beauty.

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man's heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end." Ecclesiastes 3:11

First of all, why girls, aren't we encouraging each other more when it comes to this issue? If we know that we're all struggling through this together let's just be the people and say the things we wish others were being and saying to us.

Second of all, we aren't letting God romanticize us. It sounds weird, but seriously think about the best present a boy can give you. Ok, kicking it Mandy Moore style here. In A Walk to Remember the guy names a star for her and we're like, "Oh my gosh, that's the sweetest thing ever! I want that! Blah blah blah blah blah!" Ok, yeah cool whatever. Now think about this. God MADE that star. Oh, and just the 70 sextillion ones next to it as well. Real number by the way...according to CNN. It means 70,000 million million million. That's a lot of stars and God created them all for us. He gives us nature and scenery to enjoy because it brings us back to honoring, worshipping and praising Him. Which ultimately for a Christian is what life should be about. Is it not? Looking at people should evoke the same feelings as looking at nature. Both created by God, both beautiful and special in some way.

Anyone can put on a truckload of makeup, do their hair, workout for 6 hours a day and be "beautiful" according to the world's standards, but how much more to be beautiful to people because of our gentle and quiet spirits. How much more to be sought after because people see something different in us. It is so much harder to receive a compliment on the inside because people are so used to only looking at the outside. I want this challenge to be the cries of our hearts. May my attitude and my words define my beauty. May these qualities overtake whatever I or anyone around me perceive my physical appearance to be. Let my actions be so strong and glorifying to You, that the only explanation for my beauty is Your presence in my heart. 

Whatever physical beauty is...it will fade, but inward beauty is everlasting. There's nothing wrong with taking care of your body or getting dressed up or working out. In fact God calls us to take care of our bodies. "Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body." 1 Corinthians 6:19-20. Obviously, we are not called to just lay around all day eating potato chips and watching The Office, but when working out, wearing makeup, and dressing ourselves becomes so excessive that we are just doing them for the compliments and acceptance of others...it becomes a problem.

We were created in God's image; therefore, we are all beautiful. He has a specific purpose for us and our individual lives. To say anything different would be to deny that God's carpentry...his creation...is faulty. "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them." Genesis 1:27

Mumfs

Loving this song. Can't get over it.

After The Storm

     "And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears. And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears. Get over your hill and see what you find there, with grace in your heart and flowers in your hair."

Thankful

Wow, what a great time to be reminded of how thankful we can be for a sovereign God. So blessed are His people to have the knowledge of his ever-present love. Situations change everyday. People in our lives will come and go...never ceasing to fail us and yet He remains the same. He is always there. He is always ready to take up and hold his children in the warmest embrace and bestow His beautiful selfless love in the most gracious of ways.  

I don't remember much as a little kid except through pictures, but I will never forget the feeling of seeing my dad after he got home from a long day at work. Wildly, as though I had not seen him in years I would run up to him screaming, "DADDY!" and jump into his strong open arms. He was always happy to see me. He would always excitedly respond, "Hi bud!" He never failed me. Everything was better with a dad hug. In his embrace I was safe. I had not a care in the world. Whatever happened that day didn't matter anymore cause dad was home and he would fix all the problems. He would take care of me. He would spend time with me. He would encourage me and make me laugh. The day was better. The world was brighter because I knew my daddy loved me and no one and nothing could ever change that.

There are very few things quite like a dad hug. To this day, it is something I most look forward to when coming home from college. This 20 year old adult instantly melts into a 3 year old little tomboy from one big dad hug. Sure, there may be less jumping and screaming involved, but my heart is just as happy, just as comforted as that 3 year old little girl's. Yes, I have been blessed with an awesome awesome man in my life for the past 20 years and am so extremely grateful for his presence and influence in my life. I do not take it for granted. It makes me sad to think of all of those who have not grown up in the same way or were maybe not as fortunate to have such a relationship. It's so unfair and I wish I could just share my dad's love with those who never received it from their fathers. Imagine for one second that kind of love.

Imagine that kind of love.

It is so difficult for me to come to terms with the fact that someone could love me more than my parents. Can you even fathom how much greater God's love is for us? How much more He desires for us to rely on Him? How powerful and constant He is? We get to call this man dad. That's crazy! We get to run to Him and rest in His sweet and beautiful peace. We are able to lay all of our troubles and burdens at the foot of His cross and be comforted in the fact that our Daddy is taking care of us...that we are safe because we are HIS. I am absolutely flabbergasted each day by the provision the Lord provides. He knows what He's doing and He doesn't ever miss a detail. We have nothing to worry about in this lifetime because the control belongs to our Heavenly Father who loves and cares for us more than we will ever know. 

Mmmm thank you Jesus.

"Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.  Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love." 1 John 4:7-8 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zk48HYAQmdI

Pictures of Life Lately

Wedding Favors 10-27

 Sunset 11-2

God is good. : )

I am Weak.

Today I wish I had been good enough for you or what you wanted. 

I'm sorry I wasn't.

I hope to find someone with many of the same characteristics as you someday. 

I'm not trying to rely on you...I'm just putting it out there. 

Just getting it out of my head and my heart.

I miss you today, but I'll be ok.

I'll be ok. 

I'll be ok.

I'll be ok.

LEADING BY EXAMPLE

Leadership.

I guess it can mean many different things to people.

Personally, this is how I would define leadership.

A leader is someone who can persuade, but not manipulate others to take a viewpoint similar to their own proving their beliefs to be valid through example and encouragement. A leader is someone who creates community between those who possibly have never been introduced to such a concept. A leader has an opinion and follows it. A leader attempts to understand the thoughts and actions of others. A leader is willing to sacrifice their time for the needs of the people they are leading. A leader decreases chaotic situations. A leader provides help and advice. A leader has a sense of selflessness and cares for the general well-being of others.

Leadership is carrying out the characteristics of a leader and doing so through EXAMPLE.

It is important for someone in a position such as this to make sure they are living their personal life in a way that honors their own beliefs. This means carefulness and awareness of personal actions being taken, living a life of encouragement rather than condemnation, and genuinely caring for the people around them.

Yes, it is about the way in which YOUR daily life plays out, but if you don't treat individuals with CARE...don't expect for others who look up to you to live a life devoted to serving and loving the people of this world. IS it really worth the frustration of attempting to live a perfect life when such a huge aspect of leadership is MISSING.  

I've formed my opinion.

You decide.

4,3,2,1

My love is longing for belonging.
My love is trying as it is dying.
My love is planning on expanding.
My love is taunting the wanting.

My heart is yearning, but it is learning.
My heart is hoping, but it is coping.
My heart is knowing, but it is growing.

My love is requiring restoration...wishing for less frustration.
My love is slowly rediscovering...wishing for easier recovering. 

My heart is hurting, but it is healing...hoping for less feeling.

Definition

"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." 

Ephesians 2:10

YOU DON'T define me.

Just Maybe

I had a good friend tell me the other day that maybe the purpose of you being in my life was just for a break from hardships. Just for a time. Just for relief. Just for support. Just what I needed then. 

Thank you.

I Don't Rhyme

I'm done with the games, so sick of these lies. I don't know why I stood up for you so many times. My heart is suffering the consequences of letting you destroy it's deepest defenses. I'm angry with you. I'm hurt. I'm scared. For the person I knew is no longer there. What happened to the days of "as long as you'll let me?" They feel like empty words said in narcissitic mockery. To hurt someone was never your intention, but now that feels like the only explanation. The secrets are scary, the truth never told. It appears you enjoyed having my mind to mold. The steps you have taken to rid me of your life, I had never expected when you said the word wife. I look to you no longer as a refuge or friend. The trust you had built has come to an end. It's hard to find joy in the times that we shared because of how little you have proven you care. I'm delighted dear one, you feel you are doing God's will, but be careful of the arrogance with which your heart has been filled. That was a trait far from you at our relationship's start. You are hurting others and leaving them in the dark. I'm done with you and the pain you have caused me no matter how much my heart disagrees.

And yet,

I am healing. 

I forgive you though you may not even want my forgiveness. I love you from sodbuster and back. I grieve for you in the fact of your hard upbringing. I envy you for your talent and grace. I wish for you the most blessed and happy future. I release you from my dreams and desires. I hope to one day look back and smile thinking of you fondly. 

I miss you dear friend.

God is my comfort. In Him alone I find peace.

Coping With Disappointment

Disappointment is not punishment. Disappointment does not deter hope. Disappointment is not failure. Disappointment does not cast fear. Disappointment is not everlasting.

Disappointment is trial.

"We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love."

Romans 5:3-5

The False

Giving up tears.
Giving up hope.
Giving up everything.

Giving up friends.
Giving up art.
Giving up loss.
Giving up spanish.
Giving up everything.

Giving it up.